How do you know when to hold on or let go?
For the last 10 years, I've been pursing communication with
my biological family in hopes of meeting them one day. Sporadic emails over
time seemed to be leading up to that point until a few months ago when I received
the translation of my father's most recent email that may change the course of
everything...
I tried to write about it all just days after, but found I
had to walk away from it all for a while. I had no answers, and still don't;
however, one thing I've learned through this process is that the possibility
exists that perhaps all of that searching
was just to find that I no longer needed to be searching.
I have
people that love me, want me in their lives, and will make every effort to be
in contact with me regardless of how busy they are. Why should I continue
chasing after a "family" that would easily fall away as soon as I
cease to make any effort?
Many of us have the driving need to have closure to every situation, but life doesn't always give us the closed ending for which we hope. Sometimes we have to learn to be ok with an outcome that ends with an ellipses instead of a period.
In this case, for now, I'm letting it go. I have the opportunity to build a family here with people I love and who love me in return. After a decade of chasing what's left me continually feeling confused, drained and empty, I'd rather pour myself into what will contribute to making my life happy and full.
Maybe one day I'll resume pursing my bloodline, or maybe I'll find that what I have here is enough in and of itself.
"The old saying goes that we all have two families—the one we’re born with, and the one we find along the way. For some of us, the family we’ve found is everything, and enough."
(From the article: My Modern Family)
Wow - what an amazingly deep realization. I believe what you said about your roots being happily transplanted is absolutely true. I think our roots develop where we let them rest. It can be easy to get sucked into the societal notion of 'real family' having some sort of special connection with us. But in reality many of us won't and have never had such a connection with our own blood. I think you're walking the path bravely, and making sense of something many would struggle with. Keep with it, sister!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your response... I hesitated to post it at first because I know some people were more attached to my connecting with my Korean roots than I am/was, but I then decided it's no one else's life, so opinions on this- though valuable, are irrelevant when it comes to what I think is best for me. I'm tired of the chase.
DeleteThat's the most important realization of all. Knowing what's best for you and understanding that everyone else's opinions are framed from their own experiences, therefore completely irrelevant to anyone but themselves. Super brave of you to overcome that hesitancy, and surely inspiring for others to witness. :) yay you!
ReplyDeleteTook awhile, but definitely for the best- especially in this situation. Thanks :)
DeleteGreat share thanks for writing this
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading :)
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