This isn’t your conventional love story. There is no
“happily ever after,” or, maybe there is…
Once upon a time about 10 years ago I met a boy while
visiting a friend in college. Not just any boy, mind you. Admittedly, on the
surface, he looked just as regular as any other boy possibly could- tall and lanky
with dark hair and sincere playful eyes. He liked to write, seek out adventure,
play pranks on his friends and fool gullible girls (me) into believing he could
call squirrels when in reality, he was secretly dropping food behind him.
I met him in the darkest years of my life; I was reeling
from a great deal of heartache and loss and had more days of not wanting to
wake up than I could count. There were some days I tried not to, but that is a
story for another time and place. He brought laughter and light to my darkness.
Under the seemingly regular boy appearance, this particular
boy seemed to possess an uncanny ability to see through to my soul. He saw the
best in me even when it was shrouded by years of abuse and neglect. He told our
mutual friend after our very first meeting, “That is by far the best girl I’ve
ever met in my entire life.”
I didn’t know that until 3 years later, a week after his
funeral.
“What the hell? How depressing. Where’s the love story?!”
you may be thinking, but give me a moment to explain.
After 6 (ok, maybe 7) years of anger, frustration,
heart-shattering sorrow and never really allowing anyone to get close- I
finally began to recognize the gift he gave me.
This seemingly ordinary boy left me with the lesson of what
it means to love- really truly love someone when they’re not at their best, but
more, what it means to love unabashedly, whole-heartedly, deeply and honestly
with no hesitation and no fear.
My great love story is not one that involves two people
enduring through the years together. Instead, it is a short story where one
brave boy unknowingly taught an unsuspecting girl to let go of her fear and sorrow
in order to love- love people and love the very act of being alive.
His death was a gift in that he taught me that the only
thing we are guaranteed is the very moment we are in. Each and every moment is
of infinite value, and we must strive to permeate each second with as much
awareness and gratitude as possible because we may never get that chance again.
Today, my love story has opened my heart to a new chapter
that involves taking the amazing opportunity to build a relationship with
someone who has captured my heart in a way that hasn’t happened in 10 years. I
don’t know what the future holds, but I can say that this moment I’m in is
abundantly full and is enough in and of itself.
…and she lived happily ever after.
beautiful, lauraloo :)
ReplyDeletethanks rho :)
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ReplyDeleteHi Stacey- my heart goes out to you as I know that loss permeates through your bones. I won't lie to you- the days are long and hard. It never gets better as fast as we want it to... Everyone has their own timeframes and ways they need to deal with it. Some days will be worse than others and that's ok. Let yourself feel heartbroken when you need to. I can tell you that even though it takes a long time, the pain transforms from being a constant debilitating terror to something that gently reminds you to honor those you love, and who have loved you, by living your life the best you can. Please feel free to reach out here or on Facebook or wherever. You're right- you will get there too. <3
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